The Ice in My Veins
by RomansRoad
Summary: Edmund and Peter have a little brother time before the coronation. No slash, just some brotherly discussion.


**Set after the battle but before the coronation. Just felt like there could have been a bit more said between the two brothers, considering all the action and whatnot. **

**Disclaimer: C.S. Lewis wrote the books, everything is his**

Edmund stood at the water's edge outside Cair Paravel. He gazed out at the seemingly endless expanse of ocean, as the setting sun reflected an orange hue on the water. It was strange, really. He had been in Narnia for only a few weeks, and yet he felt like he belonged here more than he ever had back in England. Maybe that was partly because of how much people here noticed him.

He shuddered involuntarily. Memories from his time spent with the White Witch were still fresh in his mind. There were times when he just couldn't seem to get warm. Like all of the life was being sucked out of him and he couldn't do anything to avoid it. He hadn't mentioned it to anyone, though he knew sometimes he looked exactly the way he was feeling.

Somehow, Peter knew. Edmund always caught his older brother's watchful eye on him, like last night at dinner. The four siblings, along with Aslan, Mr. Tumnus, and a couple other Narnians had been enjoying a wonderful feast prepared by the cooks, when a wave of ice and terror broke over Edmund. He had quickly excused himself and strode as rapidly as possible out into an empty hallway. He had tried to appear as though nothing was wrong, though when he returned to dinner, Peter was staring at him, concern clear on his face, and Aslan gave him the lion-smile that always managed to comfort Edmund.

Now, Edmund knew it was only a short time before Peter came to him. They hadn't had any alone time at all today, as tomorrow was the coronation.

Sure enough, Peter's voice was heard over the sound of the rolling waves. "Beautiful sunset, isn't it?"

Edmund nodded, though he didn't feel the need to open his mouth. Peter would speak his mind soon enough. Not that Edmund minded. The brothers had grown closer, especially after Edmund's near-death experience with Jadis.

Peter came to stand beside his younger brother. "What's on your mind?" he asked quietly.

Edmund shrugged and bent to pick up a rock to skip. "Too much and not enough." He slung the flat rock across the water.

_One…two…three…four. Not bad._

Peter gazed at where the ripples formed on the surface. "We're going to be kings tomorrow."

"That we are." Edmund suddenly stopped as the thought struck him. He had barely been noticed in any of his classes back in England, and now he was going to be a king. He turned and gave Peter a funny look.

"Doesn't feel like it, does it?"

Edmund shook his head no and returned to skipping rocks.

Peter sighed and squinted out at the horizon. "I bet we'll be great kings. Least you will. I might need some work."

Focused, Edmund asked, "Why do you say that?"

"You've been through a lot here. You understand what these people are going through. And your pride hasn't gotten in the way like mine has. I'm sorry, Edmund." Peter choked up, but Edmund didn't look at his older brother. "I'm sorry I was a horrid brother. I tried to take Dad's place when I couldn't and wasn't supposed to. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I should've protected you. I—"

Edmund held up a hand to stop Peter's rant. "It's not all your fault." He skipped another rock. "Don't think I haven't struggled with pride too. And I never listened to you. You will make a great king, Peter, probably the best this land has ever seen. You're a strong leader, and as long as you have people who listen under your command, which you will, you needn't worry."

Peter smiled a bit and watched Edmund skip rocks for a time. "What did it feel like?"

Edmund's hand faltered and the rock he had fell into the water with a _plunk_. He put both of his hands into his pockets. "It hurt. Bad. But it was also cold, ice like you've never felt before." Suddenly everything Edmund had been mulling over came spilling out of his mouth. "It reminded me of how much I hadn't apologized for and explained and how I hadn't told you guys that I loved you. I knew it was a noble thing to die for, but I didn't want to die. There was still too much to do, too much to be said. And sometimes…sometimes I can feel the ice flowing through my body, the stuff that Lucy's potion is never going to get rid of. It burns and freezes my veins at the same time, and reminds me of all the horrid things Jadis did, and what a terrible woman she was. And then Aslan died in my place…and he didn't have to." Edmund was silently crying now, as the emotions from the past weeks overcame him. "I know he came back to life, but sometimes I feel so guilty, like it should've been me…he's told me not to feel that way. He chose to do it."

Peter nodded. "Aslan does funny things like that. He's something else. Do you think the ice will ever leave you?"

"I think it will when I forgive myself," Edmund realized as he spoke.

Peter nodded again. "That makes sense." He looked at Edmund and wiped away his younger brother's tears with his thumb. Edmund smiled, one of the first true grins he had had in a long time.

A cool breeze blew in from across the ocean. Peter turned to Edmund. "C'mon. Let's go in."

Edmund followed after his brother, deciding silently that it was time to let go of his pain. As he did, an immense feeling of warmth swept through his body, and he knew the ice of the Witch was gone forever.


End file.
